Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
