hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
