Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
