I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
