but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
