Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
