hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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