I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
