lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he was CRYING into my vagina
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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