He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
