seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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