Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize