his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
