He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
