Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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