You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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