Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
