i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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