can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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