I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
