he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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