Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
