i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
