i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
