dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
