And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
