So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
