Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
