i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
