I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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