if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
