I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
