i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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