You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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