I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
