Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
