he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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