i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
