Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
