Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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