Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
