i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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