Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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