The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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