i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
