You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
