I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
