we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
