I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
