that's an acceptable place to lick
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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