I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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