the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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