what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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