just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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