her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
