I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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