Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
