she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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