you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
