I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
