I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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