Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
