Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm passing your future prison.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
