We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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