The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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