Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
