im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize