we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
