dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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