I faked an abortion last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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