I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
